Posted in humor, Prose

You Have a What!?

When I used to get my haircut, the barber or stylist would often say you have one hell of a cowlick and your hair grows like wildfire. But now as I’m getting older everyday, my cowlick has morphed into just a run-of-the- mill horse turd!

Hey! What’s with you always substituting an ass for a horse!? And a zebra? A squirrel admiring his nuts!?

You sure do need a lot of tender rest!

Posted in Health

The Hard Salami Facts!

Love my hard salami. Even though every slice I eat may shorten my lifespan by at least a day…….

But I do exaggerate a bit!

Is salami healthy?

Well, like most everything else, it can fit into a healthy diet if only an occasional indulgence.

Yes! Apart from the wonderful spicy taste, salami is a good source of nutrients, vitamins and minerals. Consuming 26 gram of salami offers 0.8 µg of Vitamin B-12, 296 mg of Sodium, 5.77 g of Total Fat, 53 mg of Phosphorus, 10.7 µg of Fluoride, 0.57 mg of Iron, 3.8 µg of Selenium, 3.28 g of Protein and 0.049 mg of Copper. Moreover many Amino acids 0.036 g of Tryptophan,0.148 g of Threonine, 0.169 g of Isoleucine, 0.287 g of Leucine, 0.3 g of Lysine, 0.091 g of Methionine are also found in 26 gram of salami.

Well then, if it shortens my lifespan at least I’ll be a lot healthier to the end!

And Yes! This is definitely no baloney!

Posted in Imagination, Poetry

Just One of Those Nights!

Yes!

It was just one of those nights.

Just one of those terror-filled frights.

A Tall Man for sure…

lurked over my bed.

Oh my,

the fear!

Oh my,

the dread!

***********

And so I lunged up in bed

threw a mean punch

at his head

and just

flew out of the bed!

Hit the stand!

Hit the floor!

Oh! Yes!

Who could ask for anything more!?

Posted in Poetry

She’s Always an Hour Behind ⏰

There’s whispering.

There’s Pam.

Those pesky emails and calls

which are mainly just scams!

There’s

a spinning fan

a strange

knock at the door.

There’s

three ducks in a row

doing the Can-Can.

And yes!

When she asks

the time

she’s always

an hour behind!

Is it eight o’clock?

No dear.

It’s nine!

Is that evening?

Or is that nighttime?

No!

We’re on New York

not Chicago time!

Oh my.

There’s Pam.

There’s whispering all the time!

That spinning fan.

And yes!

Those ducks

doing the Can-Can!

But now

she’s always

an hour behind!

Like

her

sagging

backside?

No!

Like

her sagging

behind!?

************

Me?

I like

to be

an hour ahead.

That way

I always know

where

I’m coming from!

***********

Wait!

If she’s an hour behind

and

I’m an hour ahead!

What time is it really?

Oh the dread!

Posted in Art, Poetry

Really Wise? Or Otherwise!?

They’re mainly from New York City

the suburbs

the Northeast.

They walk, talk, and even gawk

sound funny when they speak.

They look sour

like to cower

are smug

oh so grub

and waddle

half awake

or

is it half asleep?

They constantly judge

carry a grudge

and

are

arrogant

superior

“What is their beef?”

Wise?

Worldly?

Oh Yes!

Maybe!

But mainly

I do fear

for all to hear?

They are just

smart-ass

retired

Wisenheimer’s!

And even former

‘lost the thrill’

Two-Timers!

Of them

and

even me

do I speak!?

For the above reasons

in the ‘land of one’ season

I again speak!

Yes!

Just because?

No, no!

No indeed!

Just

for Otherwise!