Posted in Comedy, Stories, true life

50 Shades of Sexism!

The above photo is of a Wader Bird and I just added sunglasses and a purse … just because!

Waders are birds commonly found along shorelines and mudflats that wade in order to forage for food in the mud or sand. They are called shorebirds in North America, where the term “wader” is used to refer to long-legged wading birds such as storks and herons.

Enough of that, I fear!

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Getting to the point:

I have been mildly chided for being sexist in my post, “50 Shades of Cat Liter!

Maybe it was the lines:

You see, I feel that woman pick men like they pick their cats.  It’s Fifty Shades of Cat Litter!

For men, it’s may be more basic and mostly instinctual: Five Shades of Doggy Bags and Chinese Take-Out!

Or maybe it was this particular line:

This is all becoming too confusing for me as a sexist old fool. 

Or maybe it was the whole damn post itself!

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My reply was:

Maybe sexist toward both sexes…

Maybe just humor and a play on a popular theme…

Maybe just maybe…people who label people sexist are maybe themselves sexist…

🎊🎉************🎉🎊

And the band played on

And the World continued to spin

And we all marched on

With *whatever* on our chin!

Posted in Comedy

Sure-Fire Borsch Belt Divorce Court Humor!!!

Nothing that follows, does, in any way, apply to my wife to whom I have been happily married for almost 48 years!

🤜🏻🗣🔫

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Now, take my wife…

Please!!! 🤗🤗🤗

Henny Youngman …🎻🎻🎻

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Really dear! Do you still love me as much as when you first met me?

I have very little recollection of ever having met you! 😏🤔🤭

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Again dear … do you truly love me?

Is the Pope Jewish?

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Honey, is my rear end to big?

Is that a statement or a question?

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When my wife lays around the house, she literally lays around the house!

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Did you just whisper Pam again!? And who is Pam anyway?

Yes! Your rear end is monumental and should be deemed a National Treasure or at the very least be listed in the Guinness Book of World Records!

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Dedicated to all the divorce lawyers out there and everywhere!

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In recognition…

Posted in Comedy, Poetry

The War of the Ants

Inspired by KT Workman…The War

Damn ants,

everywhere they be!

You can’t win

the total war

you see.

Cause

the total mass

of all humans

is way less

than the total mass

of all those

damn ants.

Oh, woe be me!

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However, cleaning the area with White Distilled Vinegar seems to work for me.

It’s the smell you see!

Posted in Comedy, Poetry

Rhyme All the Time!

I seem to rhyme

most of the time…

When I’m walkin’ … talkin’ …

lookin’ at Playboy gawkin’ …

When I’m reading …

post-in

or

just TV host in’ …

When I’m thinkin’ …

drinkin’ …

washin’ my Dinken…

And yes…

even

when I’m

just sitin’

in the bathroom

stinkin’…!

Posted in Comedy

My Yiddish ‘Nonna’ With Knockers!

Definitely outdated humor…well past it’s time! As am I?

Did you know that on the 1930s/1940s Borscht Belt Comedy Circuit that Jewish women comedians were often referred to as Menstruating Minstrels?

Wait a minute!

Were there really Jewish women comedians during that ‘period!’

Wrong again Schmuck!

There was Milton Berle!

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If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door! … Milton Berle

To which I add…

Or add knockers…