Posted in humor, Entertainment

Apocalypse Cow … the Barnyard!

Kentucky Barnyard Quotes:

Colonel Daisy: I love the smell of mydung in the pasture.

Lt Quacky: Ducks don’t surf.

Captain Porky: Disneyland! Fuck, this shitty pig style smells better than Disneyland.

A Chicken: The Horror … The horror …

Sarge: I’m just an Erin Clerk … used to collect chicken and duck bills.

Chief: So whaddya wanna do? Eat the chicken … kill the duck?

Colonel Daisy: I love the smell of mysweet flatulence in the morning.

The Olde Farmer Macdonald Guy: You’re wacko, man … it’s fuckin’ pig shit idolatry!

Sarge: Hell! The bullshit is piled so high in this barnyard, you need ‘finger licking chicken’ wings just to stay above it.

Chief: Some day the chicken slaughter gotta end.

Another Chicken: The horror … The horror-able horror!

Major General List: Fumigate!!! With extreme prejudice!

Colonel Daisy: This damn milking gotta stop someday. My udders have been stretched to the limit!

Another Chicken: The horror … the udder horror …

Sgt. Squirrelly: I watch this damn snail crawl ever so slowly along the cow’s back … That’s my dream. Am I nuts?

Colonel Daisy: This is the end!

Lone Surviving ‘Free Range’ Chicken: The End!?

Colonel Daisy: Yes! Kiss it … No peck, peck, peck it, please!

Finger Licking Chickens Everywhere: This really is the horror … Yes! It’s really

‘The Cow’s Behind!’

…………

Do the Funky Chicken! Pretty Please!

💃🏻🕺🏻🐣🐺🐤🐔

Posted in Art, Poetry

When the Posts End!

When the posts end

When the dark poems part

May the glorious

Sunshine Awards cease to

Warm your aching heart!

************

Didn’t you write something like that before!?

Like a couple of days ago!?

************

LOL or better yet ……

up URS!

Posted in Art, humor

Just Playing With My Organ, Dear!

Retired and have decided to learn to play the piano. So I bought a professional keyboard which I can play music on as all types of instruments. But as not to disturb anyone, I play with earphones on!

As I pound away on the keyboard, my wife will sometimes ask from another room,

Are you playing with your Organ!?

To which I oft reply,

Yes, dear!

Are you playing with your Chest ……….. of Drawers?

Posted in humor

Stark, Raving Naked Sans Teeth!

Had a major breakthrough this evening. For the first time in years I actually fell asleep on the living room couch at the ungodly hour of around 9 pm.

Now that might not seem significant to you. But I’m an insomniac and rarely fall asleep before 3 am, the Witching Hour.

Not only that: but just before I woke at about 11:30 pm, I was dreaming that I was stark, raving naked in a car pleading with someone for some cloths to wear. And when I awoke, I had lost my teeth. They had fallen out of my mouth and were lodged between the couch cushions.

Yes! I was in a car, driving to an unknown destination, stark naked sans teeth!

What, just what, is my subconscious mind trying to tell me!? That I’ve gone blogging bonkers!? That it’s time to leave blogging behind?

And yes, again! The symbolism is inescapable. I am exposing myself much to much with my posts of recent! And if I don’t cease, the next post I might expose my behind!?

Yes! Fear and Beware! The End is Near!

………

Yes! Acupressure really works!

Posted in Environment, Prose

Secret Agenda to Blame It on that Man!

Global Warming and Climate Change:

Yes! Blame it on ‘that Man!’

But me?

I’m not ‘that Man!’

No!

I’m the man with his hand in the cookie jar.

Who wants to get rich by far.

The man who’s all about ‘worldview and politics;’ hockey sticks and polar bear cubs so far!

Where’s the beef?

Where’s the jar?

Should I sell my car!?

No!

Just shove the ‘hockey stick’ up your ‘butt-butt-butt’ …

Oh, so far!

————

Aside:

Former USAF Weather Man, Meteorologist! Extraordinaire? Not!

Blame it on the Sun! It’s warming up, you know!

Blame it on cow’s flatulence! Gas-X to the rescue!?

Blame it on a City’s ‘heat island effect!’ White paint, flowers and trees to the rescue!?

Blame it on the powerful groups of people whose interests lie on expanding or at least dominating the use of fossil fuels on the planet. Groups that have very high carbon footprints and no interest in reducing them: that use water beyond need because green is status in the desert!

No! No! No!

Just blame it on ‘That Man!’

‘That Man’ who doesn’t share my greed, self-interests and needs!

Yes!

That ‘Man!’ 👉🏼 …… 🕴🏻