I Get No Respect!

Yes! We all need a little humor to start the day!

Rodney Dangerfield Stand Up Jokes Are the Way to Go!

With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.

My wife is so fat that when she lays around the house, she really lays around the house!

My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, “Look, twins!”

I’m not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

I tell you, I’m not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide.” He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, “We want five thousand dollars or you’ll see your kid again!

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy. I said I want a second opinion. He said okay. You’re ugly too!

Source: http://jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/comedianjokes/rodneydangerfieldjokes.html

13 Comments Add yours

  1. judybarbera says:

    Rodney was very, very funny indeed!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Milly says:

    I don’t know him (>___<) but his jokes were really funny! XD

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Rodney Dangerfield (formerly Jacob Cohen) was born on November 22, 1921, in Babylon, New York. He started performing stand-up comedy in his teens as “Jack Roy,” but finding that comedy didn’t pay the bills, he spent the 1950s working as a salesman. Re-entering show business in the early 1960s as “Rodney Dangerfield,” he got a little more respect. He opened Dangerfield’s comedy club in the 1970s and starred in a series of hit comedy films in the 1980s including Caddyshack. Dangerfield died in 2004.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. jdstringfret says:

    I miss those days of Rodney and his jokes and movies.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes! It was his look, style and delivery that made him really funny!

      Like

  4. Thank you for sharing. Rodney made a career out of this theme, and his comedy was a hoot. I can remember him doing stand-up on the old Tonight Show hosted by Johnny Carson.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes! I saw him on that and other shows. Really funny…

      Liked by 1 person

  5. A nice bunch of jokes to start a good day.😂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy.

      I said I want a second opinion.

      He said okay.

      You’re ugly too!

      Liked by 2 people

  6. johnlmalone says:

    oh, this si so rollicking funny 🙂 I’m old enough to remember Roger Dangerfield; he was in a few films I watched over and over gain, mainly for the gags 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Halbarbera says:

      Yes! He got a ton of laughs for such little respect!

      Liked by 1 person

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