Featured
Posted in Prose, That’s Life, true life

Damn Pam Pizza on Her Mind!

My wife, Cute Judy Lee, has pizza on her mind. It’s ‘Are we going to get pizza today?’ Yes, every day, in the evening, afternoon and in the early morning too.

Cheese pizza…

hold the pepperoni …

Onions, garlic, and green and hot peppers too.

Add basil and I’ll sprinkle with Italian seasoning and yes some Fairy Dust too.

When it’s not pizza, well it’s her imaginary Pam that’s nagging her a lot of the time.

You said Pam again!!! Who is Pam anyway?

Honey, there never was, is or ever will be a Pam!

It’s only you, you see?

“Who is that knocking loudly at the door!?” She asks.

Ahh!!!

It’s just Pam, the pizza delivery madam’ that you do hear!

I do fear!

Featured
Posted in apology, Prose

Friday the 19th! The Day after Dopey Thursday the 18th!

Thursday … yesterday … was surely a dopey day.

And to think,

it was the day after Wednesday,

my 48th Wedding Anniversary Day.

Now Hal! … How dopey is that!?

Dopey posts … dopey pictures … dopey all around the whole dopey day! And yet it was a very good day in terms of blog statistics considering I’m such a Dope!

I just have to overlook the Mafia hit attempts on my life; Excommunication from the church (and I’m not Catholic); blotched fatwas; and general boos, hisses, threats and negative comments in general.

But I have hopefully learned my lesson on ‘how and not how for Hal’ to write posts!

Maybe I am a Dope. Or maybe I taking to much Dope. Or maybe just maybe I’m getting to much or to little Dopamine you see!

Even God has made his displeasure known with sudden chest pains and numbness in my left arm and right brain hemisphere.

So I pray for forgiveness from my God and ‘oh my god’ limited followers! Never, ever will I again ever post and reply in any manner similar to that approaching Dopey Thursday the 18th!

🤔…🧐……😎

Nah!!!

Featured
Posted in Prose, Quote, Review

This Is Dope!!!

A very, very, very extraordinary reply to my post:

World War of the Blogs III!!!

This is DOPE!!!

YES!!!

This is ……

You are a stupid person?
Just information about a subject?
Like a varnish to the surface of a model aircraft?
I am just administering drugs?

This is ……

Very good like?
All of the above?
None of the above?
Or this was …

“Pure, unadulterated, unfunny, 100% unforgiving CRAP!!

WOW ………

Now that is definitely one hell of a reply!

And!

And yes! Maybe I do surely deserve to

“Go to Hell?

……

………

“YES!!’ That Post Was Pure Dope!!’”

Featured
Posted in Information, memory, Prose

I Forgot to Remember How to Remember!

There are little things you can do to help you remember. You know.

Where did I put my car keys!?

And my glasses?

The damn TV remote?

And the damn car for that matter!

Well! When you put something down, look at it and say to yourself, “I just put my glasses on the table!”

In addition, squeeze your right hand in a tight fist to stimulate the part of the brain in the hippocampus that helps you to remember.

And to help you recall something?

Well just squeeze your left hand in a tight fist.

It really does work or WOKs if your into cooking!

However, the main drawback to this is

I do not always remember to do the little tricks that can help me to ‘REMEMBER!’

🤔 Maybe if I just tightly squeezed my left and right butts!?

Featured
Posted in Art, Entertainment

World War of the Blogs III

From the Blog of Revelations (Armadillon)

The Six Seals of the Blog Hypothesis:

The first three seals are the three sea lions of the Apostrophe:

First Seal – a white sea lion

As the first seal was opened, Nikola Tesla, wrote: “And I looked, and behold, a white sea lion did not ‘read‘ his post and he went out conjuring and to be conjured!”

Second Seal – a yellow sea lion

When the second seal opened, Nikola noted: “While this sea lion did read his post it was not granted to the one who posted the post that it should be ‘liked‘ and that other bloggers should run from his post; and there was given to him a great sword to slay these cowardly bloggers!”

Third Seal – a pink sea lion

As for the pink sea lion, Nikola said, “So the one did read and like the post, but it was granted unworthy of a ‘comment‘ of any kind. I looked, and behold, a pinkish sea lion and he who sat on it had a pair of scissors in his hand. And I heard a voice in the midst of his six following bloggers saying, “A bottle of Coke for a denarius, and three slices of pizza for a denarius; and ‘first do not harm’ is the motto of the American Medical Association! So just be merry and get oiled with wine!

All’s well and good, but what then is the meaning of the last three seals?

Only The Shadow Knows for Sure!

Featured
Posted in Award Nomination

Another Sun-Me-Wong Signing Blogger Award Nomination!

The possibilities are endless … just look at Washoe and Me!

For the past two decades, humans have been teaching chimpanzees and other ape-like forms to express themselves using the sign language of the deaf.

During that same period, bloggers and other human-like forms having been increasingly learning to express themselves using the finger language of the mundane or clinically insane.

Just as the chimps are teaching each other sign language and using it to communicate among themselves, so us humans are doing similar.

“The most closely studied example of this involves a chimp named Loulis that at the age of 10 months was placed in the care of Washoe, an adult female that in 1966 became the first chimp to learn sign language.

Washoe, which understands and uses hundreds of sign language words, immediately took to Loulis and within eight days began teaching the young chimp simple signs, by demonstration and sometimes by molding the baby’s hands into the forms that represent words.”

(Much like bloggers who mold words into forms that sometimes express ideas!)

Thanks to Boyce Rensberger, Chimpanzees Teach Sign Language, The Washington Post.

Honorable mention to Herbie Su Aside, for his pitiful pioneering paranormal pastoral blogging study, A Finger on the Barnyard Post! Or Up Something Else!

For that reason I have nominated both Washoe and Boyce Rensberger for the Sun-Me-Wong Signing Blogger Award!

An inter-species first!

************

By the Way is Washoe Chinese!?

………

Aren’t We All!?

Featured
Posted in Comedy, Stories, true life

50 Shades of Sexism!

The above photo is of a Wader Bird and I just added sunglasses and a purse … just because!

Waders are birds commonly found along shorelines and mudflats that wade in order to forage for food in the mud or sand. They are called shorebirds in North America, where the term “wader” is used to refer to long-legged wading birds such as storks and herons.

Enough of that, I fear!

============

Getting to the point:

I have been mildly chided for being sexist in my post, “50 Shades of Cat Liter!

Maybe it was the lines:

You see, I feel that woman pick men like they pick their cats.  It’s Fifty Shades of Cat Litter!

For men, it’s may be more basic and mostly instinctual: Five Shades of Doggy Bags and Chinese Take-Out!

Or maybe it was this particular line:

This is all becoming too confusing for me as a sexist old fool. 

Or maybe it was the whole damn post itself!

************

My reply was:

Maybe sexist toward both sexes…

Maybe just humor and a play on a popular theme…

Maybe just maybe…people who label people sexist are maybe themselves sexist…

🎊🎉************🎉🎊

And the band played on

And the World continued to spin

And we all marched on

With *whatever* on our chin!

Featured
Posted in Poetry

Scribble Me Softly Sunday!

How does a random scribble

become warmed-over dribble?

Yes!

If I only I knew what to say.

So scribble me softly

as thus do I

begin another day

with my trusty sword

by my side or sides

proudly singing

“Onward Marching Woodblocks!”

So hey …

it’s Sunday …

let’s pray!

The Artless Poet…

Featured
Posted in Art, Faith, Poetry

Have You Ever!?

Have you ever felt a hand

go through you hair

and when you opened your eyes

there was no one there!?

============

Have you ever awoke

and there was

a menacing

tall dark figure

at the end

of your bed!?

You can’t move a muscle

you can’t scream in fear

frozen in bed

of the dread!

============

Have you ever

again seen that

Tall Dark Menacing Man!?

But this time

flew out of bed

wrestled and fought back

but really … ouch …

just hit your head

on the nightstand

next to your bed!?

============

NO! YOU SAY!!

Well ………

What a boring life you’ve had … by the way!!!

============

And why does it always seem to be between 3:00 and 4:00am … again by the way!?

So the Lord’s Prayer I now do say!

Featured
Posted in Prose, true life

What Do You See!?

Inspired by Dymoon, dymoonblog, “Windows!”

What do you see when you look out your window?

Looking out my condo window

I see a pond with occasional ducks

the odd water bird

even the rare horror

of an eel fish

taking down a duckling

or a little critter

that waded to far

for too long.

I see lifeless apartments

with windows shaded and closed.

A water fountain

spraying jets into the air

for decorative

dramatic

and aerating effect.

I see life.

I see the outside world.

Things that trigger

memories from the past

or even

answer questions

for the present and future.

But essentially

I see

“The Now!’

And then …………

I have to pee!

Featured
Posted in Art, Entertainment

Tesla’s Pigeon, The Sequel!

Critics Rave or is it Raving Critics!?

👻👻👻👻👻

It’s one of your most disturbing works I’ve seen for now. It is beautiful and terrible. I’m voting for “mortified!”

Theatrealtair, Video Times & Rhymes

***

👻👻👻👻

Rarely if ever is a subsequent piece more disturbing than the first!

Bob, Undertaker’s Weekly

******

👻👻👻👻👻

A true Masterpiece! … Or true piece of something else entirely!

Anonymous

*********

🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎

Damn Hal and pity the poor Pigeon or Pigeons!!!

Molly, Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Pigeons (SPCP)!

************

🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔

Pure unadulterated DUNG!!!

🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊🕊

Featured
Posted in Music, Poetry

For Once In This Post! 🎼🎹🎷

Inspired by the song, For Once in My Life! A swing song written by Ron Miller and Orlando Murden for Motown Records’ Stein & Van Stock publishing company, and first recorded in 1965.

It was first recorded by Barbara McNair, but first released in 1966 by Jean DuShon. Other early versions of the ballad were issued by The Four Tops, The Temptations, Diana Ross and Tony Bennett, whose recording was the first to reach the pop charts.

And yes! Who can forget Stevie Wonder!

************

This is my rendition recently released by Bastardized Records, LLC!

************

For once in (this post) …

I have something (maybe) worth (posting)

Something (surely lacking) (before) …

For once (unabashed)

I can go

where (this post) leads me

and somehow I know (I’m not wrong)

For once I can (write)

what my heart (could only scheme) of …

Long before I knew …

(Ouch) …

Someone (informed or deformed)

like you …

(Oh) my dreams

(have finally) come true!

For once in (this post)

I won’t let (bad vibes sting) me

Not like they’ve (Ouch) …

(stung) me before

For once I have someone

I (hope) won’t

(eventually unfollow) me …

(So) I’m not

(Hopeless and Friendless In Seattle)

anymore!

************

Actually I’m old and senile and live in South Florida!

Featured
Posted in Art, Philosophy, Quote

Bird Droppings From the Sky!

Give yourself permission to fail…

Become a passer-by not distracted by the superficial smoke screens…

Say the things that make you strong…

Life is all about energy, frequencies and vibrations…

Respect others and you too will be respected…

Teach the essentials … not just meaningless activities…

Be prepared to live off the grid. Not locked and filled with fear…

Behavior is an expression of the problem, not the problem itself.

Don’t just read books! Use them as necessary to get knowledge and wisdom, not just information…

Find the source of the illness, don’t just treat the symptoms…

The Kennedy’s never cry! They just Die!

Don’t be fooled by superficial charm…

Live Long and Prosper!

Featured
Posted in animals, Royalty

The Earl of Cattshire Commons!

I am Frederick Felix Feline, 9th Earl of Cattshire Commons

My litter box does not stink! I even have my own Royal Pooper!

So bow when you address me and always show me the respect I am due: or I’ll scratch your eyes out!

Look deeply into my eyes if you dare!

Many small animals have to their despair!

And I can surely scare the shite out of any dog, any day!

As for you, have you ever seen the movie, The Incredible Shrinking Man?

Featured
Posted in Poetry

No Trifling Matter, That Is!

Unscramble a Trifle and what do you get?

An angry tire throwing a fit

or your typical elf taking the lift?

Or maybe a flirt eating fiber

or a fire burping flit.

How about a classic Winchester rifle or an Olde Wild West fret-ting rift?

Just include an ‘o’ or maybe a ‘u’

a snotty left-handed loftier flute

you do get!!

So here’s ‘Til EFT Do Us Part’

and liter-ing lifer‘s eat shit!

And finally,

to the tirl … tie … li … ti tiler‘s …

And that …

my Ire-ish friends

is …

how a

Trifle

might say …

Ref-flib-ble … “IT!”

Featured
Posted in animals, Art, Prose

50 Shades of Cat Litter!

A repost: but this time with more feeling!

I have this theory that dogs were originally from Mars and cats from Venus!

Dogs are cute and cuddly as pups and become slobbering, tail-wagging fools as adults. And we all know how much men love slobbering, wagging, foolish tails.

Cats, however, start out as cute, fluffy balls of joy. But as adults they seem self-centered. Like … I don’t give a damn, ‘kiss me babe’ egomaniacs.  They’re still cute. But it’s like they really could care less!

So a dog may be the ideal companion for a man; and cats, maybe sadly, often the ideal love for a woman. 

You see, I feel that woman pick men like they pick their cats. 

It’s Fifty Shades of Cat Litter!

For men, it’s may be more basic and mostly instinctual:

Five Shades of Doggy Bags and Chinese Take-Out!

This is all becoming too confusing for me as a sexist old fool. 

Maybe, I should consider adopting is a Guinea Pig to keep in the family!

Featured
Posted in Lifestyle, true life

Hello? Is Anyone There!?

Not to long ago, if we saw somebody “walking and talking” aloud to themselves we would assume they’re maybe crazy!

But now in the age of hand-machines like the iPhone, we do think briefly,

‘Is he or she crazy?’

But quickly realize they are just “talking to someone while walking or even driving” with a foggy brain and glazed eyes!

Yes! We surely realize they’re not crazy!

No … No … No!

They’re more likely semi-stupid!

Featured
Posted in Poetry

Three Sips to the Wind!

A sip of coffee …

A sip of tea …

A sip of Jack Daniel’s Whiskey.

That’s Three Sheets ………

No! That’s Three Shits to Thee!

Quoth the Squirrelly Squirrel …

Taking a Dump

On the Loo …

Don’t You See!?

************

Hey!!!

In the picture !?

I see the coffee…

I see the tea…

I even see the Squirrelly Squirrel with diarrhea admiring his nuts on Cloud 3-6-9!

You see!?

But where, I do ask,

Is the Whiskey!?

⁉️‼️⁉️

In Me! Don’t You See!?

Featured
Posted in animals, Poetry

Save the Flying Squirrel!

Fly together

with open arms

in warmth and

thoughts of better days!

Fly together

in all kinds of weather

as pleasant as a pheasant

as innocent as a naive!

Fly together

with an open heart!

Fly together

to save the day!

Fly together

to save the world!

And lastly,

Fly Together

Yes, Fly Together

to Save the Flying Squirrel!

Featured
Posted in Prose, Quote

My Life On Gummy Bears!

Some things said and experienced in my dobedobedobe do dubious past:

You’ve come a long way from where you came from, “WOP!” My commanding officer in South Korea!

“You should not expect to ever go to college!” Quoth my high school counselor, Nevermore!

Yes! I have encountered far to many boring idiots, baffoons, blockheads, and nincompoops! Some even when I brush my teeth in front of my bathroom mirror!

I’m now living in ‘Nasty Valley’ surrounded by NYC rude!

Just sending far to many emails and now blog posts mainly to myself!

You never told me that … Papa!

I was once saved by a giant, green, Cuban lizard, no less!

“You know, we never thought of your father as being Italian!”

Well, Uncle Ken; I never thought of you as being an Asshole!

But I sure do now!

Featured
Posted in animals, Information, Poetry

Of Weather Forecasting Cats and Licking Dogs!

Cats are said to wash behind their ears before rain. Maybe because of the drop in air pressure. So next time your kitty or Kitty gives it’s ears a good grooming, check out the local weather forecast.

Can cats talk?

They are believed to have up to 100 vocalization sounds. And cats seem to respond better to women than to men. Could be because women have higher voices.

A group of cats is called a ‘chowder.’ A group of kittens a ‘kindle.’

************

‘What about dogs?’ You ask.

What does it mean when they lick their whatever’s?

I’d rather not say in mixed bloggery!

But one thing for certain though,

Only The Shadow Really Knows for Sure!

Featured
Posted in Poetry

There is Some Wisdom in Numbers! You know?

Round and around the numbers-go-round we go:

Is it ‘one for the money?’

No! It’s ‘two for the show!’

On three, ‘it’s to get ready?’

No! No! There are four really ready important words in life you know: love, honesty, truth and respect!‘ And add, ‘Steady as you go!’

Why are there so many ‘five ways to do this and five ways to do that?’

Maybe it’s to stimulate our ‘Sixth Sense’ or maybe it’s just pure nonsense!

Have you ever been in Seventh Heaven?’

No! But I once ate there or was it ‘Behind the Eight Ball that I went!?’

Have you ever been really under the spell of ‘Love Potion No. Nine?’

Yes! But most often after drinking a little too much rosy-red Barbera wine!’

**********

To which my wife expectedly asks,

‘What does that really mean!?’

Honey! Just trying to make rhyme!

Not trying to make any real sense!

and as the Koreans might say,

Man, you’re really Number 10!👎🏼

Featured
Posted in Poetry

Rules of Fist!!!

Just a couple tips concerning the much maligned fist!

This my friends … this really sometimes does work!

Want to help remember something?

Well! Tightly squeeze your right fist!

Say what!?

This stimulates an area in the left-brain hemisphere where remembering does reside!

Want to help recall something?

Well again! Tightly squeeze your left fist?

Duh!?

This stimulates an area in the right-brain hemisphere where recall does try to hide!

Want to really get your point across?

Double well my friend! Tightly squeeze both fists, with your arms in plain sight. Extent both middle fingers and run for your life!

Cause that’s where stupidly does surely reside!

\**********\

Hopefully, a couple of useful ‘rules of thumb.’

No! Rules of Fist!

Featured
Posted in Entertainment, riddles

Cow Mooosings Monday!

It’s not Monday! It’s Friday! Do you have Mad Cow Disease!?

————

How can you tell if a cow belongs to a Colombian ‘milk’ cartel?

It has a gangsta ‘stache mooostache!

… Pablina Escowbar … ‘Milk’ Lord ……

————

Where can you ogle sexy centerfolds of gorgeous cows in bikinis?

Playbull!

Courtesy Hugh Heifer…

Featured
Posted in Prose, Time

Time: Again and Again!

Just some thoughts on Time:

Time flies … What Time is it?

Time also marches on!

Time never stops .,,

Time is money … Time lost!

In no Time … in due Time …

One day at a Time!

Countless Times … wondrous Times …

In the St Nick of Time!

One moment in Time …

Time to catch up … OverTime!

A Time loop … a Time clock …

A long Time ago!

More Time Timeliness …

Once upon a Time!

Time travel … Time warp …

Future Time!

A Time of wonder … good Times …

The best of Times!

Time heals all wounds … a Time for war …

Time wins out for sure!

Old Man Time … Time lapse …

Just one more Time!

Time speeds up … Time slows down …

Time stands still!

Time is an illusion … Timeliness …

I’m completely Out of Time!

At least for this brief Moment in Time!